Pshh Posh! Too much drama for the mats!

Ok I just read this: http://www.girl-jitsu.com/2013/05/23/6-reasons-your-significant-other-may-not-want-to-train-with-you/

And for you to understand the rest of this post you must also read it. So I pause here so you can give it a once over or two_____________________. Ok, assuming you read that post here is my rant....

One, the very first paragraph- for the couple who is constantly together all the time, you have more issues than you think and need to get separation occasionally or your relationship will burn out like a star slowing imploding on itself taking you, your significant other and those around you into the black hole of nothingness that ends in the "he said, she said-you must only be my friend" stupidness! BUT for "Billy" to be so hurt about "Karen" not wanting to train with him shows a severe lack of communication and trust and possible possessiveness issues. Billy needs to "suck it up cupcake" and realize that if Karen were to ever compete the establishment isn't going to let her only compete with him. This shows a major lack of vision in both Karen and Billy that their BJJ training and the skills they learned weren't going beyond the 4 walls of their own BJJ studio. Plus just a note to Karen...if Billy was this hurt over you not wanting to roll with him anymore (insert sarcastic whiny voice and possible baby crying in the background sounds) then it's probably a good thing you are rid of him, he seriously sounds like a stalker/creep/find him in the bushes outside your house at 3am kind of guy....just sayin.

Reason #1- Really? Your "need to get away" should be well established BEFORE you go to the studio. Who wants to be around someone every second of every day? ISSUES...Billy and Karen have issues!!!!!! Here is something built just for Billy and Karen! 

Click here: For the couple who never wants to be apart...

Reason #2- " Spending too much time sweeping her sweetie". From Billy's previous reaction, it's probably a pattern throughout their relationship for him to overreact at the slightest bit of perceived rejection and therefore I really feel it wasn't Karen spending too much sweeping Billy, it was more like placating Billy's insecurities to prevent a fight later. " Or she wanted to fend for herself"...of course Billy didn't want her to fend for herself then she might see she doesn't "need" him anymore....God forbid. 

Reason #3- "She felt self-conscious with Billy in the class"- well duh! I don't think it was a matter of Karen not wanting to "dissapoint" Billy...I think it was more of a "lets not make Billy mad" kind of scenario. How would you feel if you knew that someone was analyzing every move you made? Billy seems to be the type to make any eye contact, arm brush, laugh, etc out to be a bigger deal than it is. And don't get me started on the positions you end up in, oh I'm sure Billy's head exploded with those! Oh and BTW...in healthy relationships when you do something dumb in front of your significant other they usually build each other up, not knock them down, unless it's funny...then after they stop laughing at you then they comfort you but there are no bad feeling being harbored for use later. 

Reason #4- "He or She could be jealous of the progress made by the other one"- Wow! For real? Billy and Karen...psycho much? Of course some people are going to be "naturals" at things, embrace it... celebrate it! What is this... a soap opera?!?! Done in my best narrator voice *clears throat* (cue cheesy sad music) "and while Billy was hugging Karen and telling her how proud he was of her that she armbarred him, he was secretly plotting her demise with a sad but plausible Jiu Jitsu accident....like sands through the hour glass...."

Reason #5-"Some men/women need to know they still "got it" and they can't do that if you're around"- C'MON!!!!! Who thinks like this?!?!?! Seriously?!?! If your girl needs to know she "still has it" by flirting with other people while your not around SHE HAS SOME SERIOUS ISSUES!!!! If your man doesn't want you to train at his studio because he needs to flirt with other women, then your man has.....you guessed it...ISSUES!!!!! And those issues go far and beyond BJJ! Your relationship is already in trouble! 

Reason #6- "They want to become friends with the opposite sex but don't want the jealousy factor"- *Facepalm* If your girl/guy wants to be friends with the opposite sex and doesn't want you to know about it either you are too jealous and possessive or they want to have "relations" with someone else while keeping you in the dark. In Billy's case I would say he was too possessive and insecure, therefore Karen couldn't have any guy friends. But lets discuss the latter...if my hubby didn't want me training with him because he wanted friends that were girls I would be very suspicious because in a healthy relationship he doesn't need to hide his friends from me. Even the girls. Are some of them prettier than me...YES! Are some of them "built better" than me...YES! But I'm his wife and if this was a reason given to me as to why he didn't want to train with me then I would know that something was definitely up and I might need to check into some marriage counseling.

This post really got me going because we are a family that trains together, never once has my hubby been mad at me for rolling with another guy. He knows that I have to know what that is like for competitions, real life scenarios and to better my skills. Is he a beast at BJJ compared to me....YES! But am I mad at that? NO! I am so flippin proud of that..y'all don't even know!  I want to aspire to get as good as him, I aspire to get as good as my instructors, and I aspire to have great friends...no...FAMILY in BJJ! Billy and Karen need to get over themselves and stop acting like they are in High School. BJJ is not a soap opera...take that drama somewhere else! Oh and to Ms. Karen...keep training you may need to use on Billy sometime soon in the parking lot, outside your house, when he shows up next to your bed in the middle of the night etc. Creeper ALERT!

Letting Go

Tonight I sit here typing and I am very sore, but it's a good sore. It's the evidence of a kick booty workout, which I got tonight rolling around on the mats. My kids and I trained tonight, we are what some call a "BJJ Family", a family that every member trains BJJ. My husband trains with Kyle Watson, and me and the kids train with JW Wright. So tonight the kids were training while I of course watched and waited for my turn to get on the mats. Last week, we ran into a bit of a problem because my sons, which we will call Mini-K and Mini-N, (for those of you who have seen them will understand, for those who haven't let's just say that me and the hubs have cloning down to a science!) would always look to me for approval of a move, or coaching of some kind. And as a mom who thoroughly loves her children and never wants to see them get into trouble I would gladly do it. Not all crazy like a t-ball parent trying to coach...

just a quick signal to pay more attention, or a shake of my head when they were doing a move wrong, or the dreaded mom-look to get them to quit messing around. But soon the inevitable happened, I overstepped my bounds and I got into trouble for it (well, sort of), they were constantly looking at me and not at JW who IS their teacher, so JW had to tell them to quit looking at me for coaching and gently remind all of us who the teacher was when my kids were on his mats. So tonight I remembered that when my kids were on his mats they were essentially well...his. His to teach, his to mold and his to correct if something went wrong.. so I let go. I let whatever happened happen. When they did things wrong and looked at me for correction I looked up at the ceiling, when they looked at me when something went right I kept a straight face, when they were messing around and not paying attention I let JW correct them, when Mini-K was on the verge of push-ups during sparring I kept silent...remembering they were JW's for that time.
Sometimes as parents we are so caught up in that whispered promise we make to them as we hold them for the first time, that we will make sure "nothing ever happens" to them that we forget what that entails... as Dory put it so well in Finding Nemo:

So tonight I let go and both my boys did wonderful! 

The Journey continues...

Natalie

Today marked my one month anniversary at Gracie Humaita in St. Louis MO. and so far things have been going well. I have learned so many cool things some on and off the mat. I have learned to let other people into my personal space, I have learned how to break closed guard, how to pass half guard, and some wicked arm bars (those I am the most excited about!) but tonight I learned something else, I learned that I cannot be afraid to fail. I have to try new things and not be afraid of being bad at those things until I find techniques that work for me and my unique style. The reason this lesson was so important is because not 30 minutes before this we were warming up for the women's class and we were doing a move called the "fireman carry" each of us girls picked up another girl and ran with her across the mat and back, and then switched. Well when it came time for the other girl to pick me up and carry me...she couldn't. I was "too heavy". For a girl this was like a huge punch to the gut, the words rang and rang in my head...too heavy....

she couldn't carry me. My self esteem deflated like an inflated balloon being let go...you know the type that makes the really loud fart noises as it jets all over the room only to land smack in the middle of the cake at the birthday party..wait...that's never happened to you? Oh....  Anyhooo I have been working and working on my weight and I am down 25lbs now but being that I started out fat, 25lbs only makes me less fat now, but none the less...still fat. So I have more work ahead of me. No I'm not fishing for compliments here, I know I'm fat- that is why I am working on it. That is why I joined GHSTL for the girls BJJ class, to help me be a better me. To get into any shape other than "ghetto booty" and most of all, to learn how to arm bar the creepy chubby chasers...

Bleh...I think I just threw up in mouth a little... ok back to the story... you know about being cool with failing until I find the right moves for me...so as the words "she's too heavy" rang in my head and was shooting bullet holes into my already fragile self esteem, I also had to remember how far I've come. I have to be cool with losing the weight slowly, even when it feels like I'm failing at my diet/life transormation/bringing the sexy back/whatever you call it- because I'm not seeing faster results (afterall celebrities lose all that baby weight in 6 weeks...right?). I have to be cool with the progress and with the PROCESS. The progress of how far I've come and with process of finding that better me. (and finding the best way to arm bar the crap out of the creeper pictured above...just sayin.) 

The journey continues...

Natalie